The problem with tryng to make rational, reasoned decisions is that all rational, reasonable arguments have perfectly rational, reasonable flip-sides. There are just as many reasonable reasons that I should stay as there are reasonable reasons that I should leave.
It’s a big decision, and I’ve more or less made it, but all the same, I keep looking around and thinking, But if other people can make it work, why can’t I?
The other day, the mister said, ‘You know, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. You don’t have to justify that to anyone. You don’t even have to justify it to yourself if you don’t want to.’
Maybe he just said it because he’s sick of the circular conversations (fuck knows I am), but I tell you that man is wasted as an engineer.
Yes, he is right. I choose to live in Adelaide. I have lived in London and in Melbourne and visited many other cities. I choose to live in Adelaide because at this point in time, that is what suits me best.
A couple of years ago we were living in London. I fell pregnant with our fourth child and, despite the fact that I adore London, I had to come home. It was not a sensible financial decision. It was probably “wasting” opportunities. I was miserable though so what choice was there?
Most people think Paris is the most romantic city in the world. I think it’s some beautiful old architecture nestled amongst piles of dog poo and sleaze. I loathe it. I can appreciate what other people see in it but it’s not for me. There’s nothing wrong with saying you don’t like it and leaving it at that.
Eight minds. We often say that we are in eight minds. There are so many good reasons to stay, because, actually, life is very good here. But there are equally good reasons to go home.
They say, those darn elusive experts, that it takes two years to get really used to a place. It took me 5 years to get used to Mauritania. Our last year there, I was happy. Now I’ve been in Morocco a year, and I really like it here. But the husband isn’t sure.
I think I would hate it where you are.
Ultimately, there may not be a “right” decision, but you need to do what works for your family. That’s simple, right? 😉
Mister sounds right, as do you. You *can* dislike a place while still living there. This is now the fourth time we’ve moved to Melbourne and is (touching wood, or the laminex of her desk) the best stay so far. I’m not sure I could say the same of Darwin (2 years) or Adelaide (9 years for the most recent stay) and the 2 years in London were without Love Chunks or responsibilities of any kind and therefore don’t count.
Dislike it yes and use that dislike to stay in and keep writing!
I pretty much only know you through your blog and only know how you are going through what you choose to put up on the blog. However, to me you don’t seem happy there. Not the ‘waiting to settle in unhappy’, but the ‘this place really doesn’t suit me’ unhappy.
And, in another presumptive & arrogant guess, I’d almost go out on a limb and say that you know in your gut that leaving would make ‘you’ happier, but that you are trying to find a way to reconcile that with what you think would be best for the rest of your family, etc – which obviously contributes to your own happiness, but is also kind of separate…
I’d like to say “I’d leave”, but I really have no idea what I would do either. How long is the Mister’s contract?
I’m not very helpful, am I?
Other people can make it work, but you are not other people. Just like I am not other people: I had to spend eight hours there and had you not been in Edinburgh I would have been screaming for you to come and save me.
I am afraid that places like that offend my deepest sensibilities on every level. But so do a lot of things.
My good friend did the “few years in Dubai: plan, and could NOT get out of there fast enough. He lasted a year of a three year contract with an International law firm.
But it does sound like the children are having a great time, and you can always jet over to Venice if you get too miserable. Its only 10 hours, direct route!!
Life’s too short to drink bad wine. Maybe the people who can make this place work have a different palate to yours. The closest I’ve been is Bahrein and I wanted to get the hell out of there – and that was 3 hours at the airport.
Having gotten a sense of you from your blog over the years e.g. your love for Kangaroo Island I think the fact that you wouldn’t like AD seemed like a given. But I can’t give you intelligent advice as I’m sure I would be equally trying to make a go of it – as I’ve done in the past. Rambling now – not useful. Hugs!
What Cristy said.
How long is a reasonable investment in something you really don’t like for the benefits for others (and yourself maybe, I dont’ know)? If only there was a formula.
AD is just one of those cities that you have to live in to know what you’re on about. It is different and at times I loath the joint and other times I love it. However, i am not in the thick of it like you are – we’re just on the other side of Mussafah Bridge. I live in a villa in a compound with lots of other expats so sometimes I forget where I am.
If Lyndon came home and said that he’d applied for jobs back in Oz I wouldn’t be upset. Or even if he said he applied for jobs in Hong Kong I wouldn’t be upset. I go with the flow. How do I know what a place is like until I have lived there? Just a bit more difficult now with 2 children but it is possible. As long as we are settled when Monet is ready to begin secondary school then I’ll be happy.
I’m ready when you are, to meet up and have a whinge about this country.
This is lazy, but .. what Cristy said. She put it beautifully. You’ve done well to stick it out as far as you have. I know that time spent somewhere that makes you unhappy, that you really dislike, goes so much slower than regular time. A happy you is not just better for you, but for your family. Go with your gut.
So … that job you applied for is not in AD then? I wondered.
I moved to Bribie Island in Queensland suspecting I was going to loathe it, and I was exactly right.
This isn’t going to be some snot-nosed comment about mind over matter and eat your vegies: I loathed it way more and for many more deep-seated reasons than I thought I would. I was surprised, to be honest, at my distaste for the place. Not mention rude (see blogs from 2008!). This was a sub-tropical island with fishing and misty mountains and swimming and time to write and I detested it in a way that only leaving would solve.
As my wife would say: ‘You can’t polish a turd’. No point in trying to dress up dissatisfaction as acquiescent toughness.
And … hang on … wait a minute … he’s a wasted engineer and they’re still letting him WORK!?
Well, that explains some of the building schemes they’re trying out there in the wildest west …
Zingo. Thank you, thank you, please cite original author.
yes well reasonable arguments are all very well but you have to trust that feeling in your gut really,don’t you. Your Mister sounds like a good egg to me.
Dithering is an artform like everything else, though. So obviously we are going to be FANTASTIC at it.
All I can add is that there is a dreadful bitterness to feeling torn isn’t there? I wish sometimes everyone I like would just agree to move to the one place and stay put, we could all live there together and never miss anything again.