Thank you, the only way I know how

Yesterday, for the second time in a week, people we don’t know, and people we will probably never meet, saved our block of land. From bushfire. They were sleeping in tents and some of them were very far from home. I don’t know what they’ve missed while they’ve been away. Children’s concerts. Birthdays. End of year work shows. The others – the ones who live nearby – have been working to save a land they know intimately. Know and love. And all the while, we’ve been here in Adelaide, spooked by the smoke which reached us yesterday afternoon and the warnings on the radio and the distance which separates us from them. It’s a cliche, but Thank You doesn’t even begin.

If you go and look at the Country Fire Service (CFS) website, you will see that an extraordinary proportion of Kangaroo Island’s national parks has been burnt by the fires. You might not have heard much about them, but they have burning since the Thursday before last when lightning started a number of fires around the island. Only last night, the fires were declared contained.

Not many people live out near our place. We are on a stretch of undeveloped land, with blocks divided into twenty hectares (or acres – sorry, I’m hopeless with numbers) which are allowed to have one dwelling each. It’s at the end of a lot of dirt road and sandy track, and it doesn’t get the number of visitors that some other parts of the island do.

Until recently, our stretch was mostly owned by islanders who used the blocks for their own holidays, camping on them or building shacks, and just a couple of people living there. Then, over the last few years, a few of the blocks have come up for sale, and we were lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time. As it happens, we bought it from the grandparents of some very old friends with whom we had lost touch, and now we spend a few great days together every year. That’s what South Australia is like.

The dwelling on our block is a shack. It’s pretty much one room with no mains water and no mains electricity. We had a small gas hot water system connected to the shower (which is gravity fed, so has bugger-all pressure, but washes the day’s sand and grit away), and we’ve just had a couple of solar panels put on. It’s kind of camping without the edge and with permanent walls.

It – the block – came to us when there were some very difficult things going on. Over the last little while, while I have needed to take it easy, to slow things down, it has been there. There’s no mobile coverage, no internet. There are stars at night, hard-sand walks, and a seabreeze which soothes my soul and reminds me of the simpler days for which I yearn. (even though I know that I romanticise those days).

That block is my haven and the place of my dreams. It is where I will go to recover. To lick my wounds. We will live there one day, me and the mister. Our children will come and say to theirs ‘look, here’s the stairs in the tree we built with Dad’.

Of course, compared to the people who already do live there, or have been visiting there for twenty or thirty years, we wouldn’t lose that much. Dreams mostly. A couple of origami frogs Eldest Boy and I made at Easter time. The hammocks from Mexico. The Birthday Stick. That kind of thing. But we’ve got copies of pretty much all the photos, and I brought the journal back with me from our last trip. So, you know.

But in the last week, an astonishing amount has been lost.

The life of one young man who had a fiancee, a father, a mum. I don’t know him or his fiancee or his family. But you don’t need to know someone to understand the tragedy of his death. That’s one of the things I remember from when my mum died. All of the people who wrote to us, who didn’t know her or us, but still, they seemed to understand.

Other people’s blocks have burned. Land where they live and work. People’s livelihoods have been threatened.

And the land. The scrub, the bushes, the trees. Where do the wallabies go? The goannas. The bats.

If you do go and look at the CFS website, you’ll see it’s asking ‘is your family bushfire ready?’ We’ve always planned to go. We don’t have much choice. We’ve got a good clearing around our place, but we’ve got limited water, no water pressure, and we’ve only just had the solar power put on so we wouldn’t have a reliable pump. We’ve got two little children, and having really only one road out, we’d get no second chance. So even if we’d been there this last week, we’d be gone by now.

So, I’ve looked, from a distance, at those photos of the firefighters. And I’ve heard, through the newspapers, the voices of the people who have had heartbreaking decisions to make this week. I think of the young man and his family. I remember the day when we were living in the Hills, and the smell of smoke, and the fire engines racing down our street, and how I put things in a suitcase while I wondered ‘when exactly do I go?’ and ‘where?’.

I don’t have an insightful reflection on which to end. There don’t seem to be any conclusions. But there’s a lot of things to think.

Drenched in December

I would love to be writing more, as I have much to say, but I am drenched in December, so here is a dot point update (more for my benefit than yours):

  • school concerts are teh bombe. If you see me slumped in a slough of depression next year, do remind me of Littlest Boy’s concentration as he steps it out to ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’; or the look of untainted happiness on Eldest Boy’s face as he jumped up and down, up and down, arms in the air shouting ‘We will, we will, Rock You’ and how safe it feels to be sitting next to your Dad while you watch your boys and you remember that when you were seven you had nothing to fear;
  • I know I’m a mother, because yesterday, Eldest Boy said at eight o’clock in the morning, ‘I’ve got four special things…’ three of which involved me developing and maintaining a tight schedule, and allowing for plentiful food breaks and involving me falling on the lounge at six o’clock with a beer in hand. And then he ended the list with ‘and the piano concert at six o’clock’ and here’s my response: ‘what concert?’;
  • at the piano concert, my children were, without doubt, the most ill-mannered, poorly-behaved children there and I have never been so embarrassed in my life and if I ever meant it when I said ‘one more word and I will throw all your Christmas presents in the bin’ it was last night at half past eight, and honestly what kind of mother says that kind of shit, and obviously I blame my own parents because where else did I learn to be a parent;
  • one of the fires on Kangaroo Island has been burning extremely close to my place, and our neighbours were told to implement their fire plans on Saturday…it has been very strange watching from so far away and feeling so frightened for a place I love so much and feeling deeply for the community, but knowing that it is because of moments like these that we really are not part of that community and the contribution we make to the community is, at best, minimal;
  • I got a grant from Arts SA to work on my ambitious project – second novel and ‘companion weblog’;
  • I was invited to Melbourne last week to perform in a pretty amazing gig, and it was the hottest I have ever been, but I went okay and I let myself be proud of myself for going;
  • there’s nothing like December for bringing your own family tensions and issues to the fore, – obvs that’s all I’ll say because this is the internet and there is no such thing as ‘personal’…(but don’t worry, it’s not about the mister, he has shaved off that stupid bloody moustache, and balance is restored to our relationship).

That’s all for now, I’m off to Littlest Boy’s graduation – it is his last week at Preschool. He is (literally) upside down with excitement. I am sad in the depths of my soul. But see bullet point one.

But probably I’ll see her another day in Coles

I have been followed for five days now, by that moment

at the end of the conversation

which started

when the woman (who used to be a girl) said to me as I was paying for my book,

‘are you ThirdCat?’

and I said ‘yes’

and she was standing at my right, and the counter was to my left

so that I was caught between two conversations, both constructed of simple words but less obvious relations

and she said – at the same time as I – ‘we were at school together’

and her skin is not as soft as mine, but I am carrying more weight

and then she said ‘I saw you on television’

but because of the conversation to my left there was an immodest pause before I said ‘what are you doing these days’

when I could have said you let me borrow your Sweet Dreams books or I liked the way you signed your name and the colour of your hair.

I’m not sure that I’ll be going on the swimming excursion tomorrow

The difference between the changerooms (boys’ and girls’) is not, as you might imagine, the giggles, but the hair.

I have just realised that in seven years I have not brushed my little boy’s hair once. But all these girls have their own brushes.

?

oh, and yay Get Up and all that, but what were they thinking, standing at polling booths, handing out that ‘restore balance to the Senate’, but saying ‘we’re not telling you how to vote’ and explaining to people who are about to go and vote ‘we’re not a political organisation, we’re an activist organisation’…where I was handing out how-to-votes, most people looked bemused to say the very least…I guess it’s water dripping on a stone and all that, but even so, an unusual way to spend what I imagine are precious funds…