I really don’t like buying things

You know those shops – the ones that have no soul of their own and leach the life from yours – that’s where I’ve been.

We bought one table and six chairs.

If you need me, I’ll be on the couch. Please try not to drop anything on the floor as you approach. I’m as close to the edge as you’d like me to be.

If you really loved me, you’d put the table together without asking for my help. And before you did that, you’d bring me a cup of tea. And an almond croissant. And the newspaper. No, not that one, I’ve read it. The other one. Yes, the rest of the day is going to be like this.

0 thoughts on “I really don’t like buying things”

  1. I know those shops. I know them well. As long as I can go into them in the right frame of mind I can enjoy the soul-suckingness for a while. Then I get castle-sick (which is an expression that was overheard to be used by a small child in Europe, whilst sight seeing. You know, that feeling where you’ve seen way too many castles)

    I hope they go easy on you, and that the cup of tea fairy visits you soon. Not to mention the self-assembly fairy.

  2. The thing I hate most about those shops is the fact you end up with all this packaging at the end.

    That, and the number of allen keys that accumulate…

    Just thinking about it makes me thirst for a cup of tea.


  3. Whenever I go into one of those shops, LG and I fight. I don’t know why, we don’t usually. Maybe it’s the rat-maze quality of the layout. Or displaced tension from the other shoppers. Suddenly there we are like some bad reality TV show, snapping and hissing under our breaths.

  4. The chairs all came fully assembled! But yes, one has a slight wobble. Luckily there’s only four of us, so most of the time it’ll be okay. For the table, we had to use our own shifting spanner.

    The packaging has now been spread all over the back lawn. Doesn’t matter how many times we say ‘please don’t rip that into little pieces and throw it at each other’ it still happens. Children today have no discipline.

    And Mikhela, ditto re the fights. Not my fault of course. No, there’s nothing wrong.

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