I was re-reading my post on happiness, and as I was reading, it occurred to me that I have never been unhappy before.
Not like this. Not the way I am now.
I have had times of sadness and grief. I have been dissatisfied, unsatisfied, I have yearned. I’ve been stressed, I’ve been lonely, I’ve been scared. But I have never been unhappy. There is not a period in my life that I look back on and think, ‘Those were unhappy times’.
From which line of thinking, I have thought two thinks:
one, I’m bloody lucky;
two, I’m extraordinarily stupid if I don’t do something about the situation I currently find myself in. Why would anyone be unhappy if they didn’t need to be? And I don’t need to be – I am not a woman of unlimited means, but I certainly have middle class choices.
So then I made some decisions – some of which were simple, some of which were hard, some of which are selfish, some of which are selfless – and I feel much better now.
I’ve had a bit of a teary few days, because of reasons. Usually I don’t get to the weepy stage, but, well, things happen. I haven’t made decisions yet, but I have at least expressed a clear preference to my partner. Who has listened. I’m not sure what will come of it. Possibly in the longer term, nothing will change, but we might at least be a bit clearer about the costs involved in not changing.
Also, it is entirely possible to be unhappy while being surrounded by things that make you happy. Like beloved partner, and lovely children, and sunshine and a nice glass of wine.
“expressed a clear preference”…hey, were you in my loungeroom the other night?
I think the worst kind of unhappiness is that from which you have no escape.
I hope you are not unhappy.
I can certainly look behind me and see many unhappy times. But I am grateful that the
fish-gods have sent me some lovely things which keep me mostly very happy now.
Frock-age always helps, but make sure the bodice fits before you try to attach it to the skirt, discovering that the lined bodice doesn’t fit and that you will have to carefully unpick half a day of sewing will not help. Please don’t ask me how I know.
If anything involves lining, I will just buy a petticoat I think.
Hey, you’re wise enough to recognise it, so continue on that level and get good help to deal with it.
And put down any middle-class concerns about ‘but I don’t want any help or medication’ and just try it. It will help…
You might like to know that I was in Dymocks in Rundle Mall the other day, and checking out your book to make sure it is being given the prominence it is due. No problem – they have about 8 in stock, facing out on the shelf so all can marvel at the cover. Obviously, if they hadn’t already been facing out, I would have had to re-arrange the shelves.
I bought a copy to give to a friend for her birthday. It has become my thing to give to people this year.
From Mary Martins. There was only one copy left on the shelf, so I’m pleased to know that Dymocks have some. I have at least two birthdays to go this year.
Go. GO. GO!
I admire you for taking action.
And, I hope this passes.
it’ll be passed in no time (she says)
A lovely and a generous post – thank you. Those of us who are naturally cheerful people do I think tend to take our optimistic natures for granted. You’ve reminded me to be grateful…
Hope it all works out for you. It’s always a triumph to make a decision rather than just let life pile up on you and blame fate.
Triumph…what a great word. Shall be using that in conversation more often.
I didn’t know you were a sewer of frocks, 3C. That’s awesome.
well, my frock sewing is nothing to brag about, but I do like the sound of the scissors on the fabric and other such things sewing-related
I think the fact that you recognised your unhappiness and immediately made a plan for change is an extraordinarily good thing. Having watched a couple of close friends battling with the black dog, my opinion is that it’s when paralysis sets in that you are really in trouble.
Good stuff!
It’s all about making decisions, I think.
Much worse is to get beyond the decision-making point, where it feels like no decision would help…
oofff. that was much more gloomy than I meant. I suspect I’m going to look back at the first half of this year with similar feelings.
Take care, TC. And yes, making some decisions for change and managing to act on them will often break the back of this sort of thing. Not always easy, but. Feeling isolated and stuck is the worst – I hope you’re finding some antidotes to that, if it’s part of the problem.