If you need me, I’m in the backyard with a cup of tea and my back to the sun

I’ve been writing a short essay on how, after signing the registration book as Housewife, I found myself to be in the Abu Dhabi library reading “A Room of One’s Own” (they have two copies).

And then, thanks to Genevieve, I read Susan Johnson‘s blog and she said, amongst other excellent things, this: “I do know my life is enriched by my children, but I am not entirely sure my art is….it is very, very hard for me to combine writing with running a household, having children, and a marriage. Most of the world’s greatest women writers did not have children. This is not an accidental fact.”

So it seemed that although I was very much enjoying putting words into sentences and sentences into paragraphs that there was no longer any need to write the essay.

But if I keep not saying things because they’ve already been said, then what will I write about?

So I put the kettle on.

If you need me, I’m wandering around the house, exhausted but not at all tired

In the end of course, the other pelicans grew suspicious of the new creatures and the pelican parents asked that their pelican children be removed from the classes where the new creatures sat.

For their part, the human children had grown tired of unscaled fish and a bed which smelled of dried seagrass. They had begun to think fondly of their mother’s rock cakes and rich spaghetti bolognese and although grateful to the pair of pelicans who had rescued them from the paddock of dried grass they began to dream of their own beds and the smell of unwashed sheets.

The pair of pelicans, for whom this had been one final chance to fulfill their dreams of parenting, did everything they could to improve their children’s lives. They searched for cod instead of carp, they desalinated the water, and they shared nightshifts snapping at the mosquitoes which dined on the flesh of the youngest human child.

But late at night, when even mosquitoes slept, the pelicans lay awake and heard the sob-filled dreams and knew that it was time.

And so it was, the children were returned, dropped gently from a height into the self-seeded tomato bush which, in a week had grown rather rapidly to the point that it was bearing recognisable, if unripened, fruit. Their shirts were no more or less filthy than they ever had been, although their mother was sure that the stains were no ingrained.

The mother held the children close and they held her, and when they pulled away, they smiled such smiles of happiness at her that it made her heart beat fast. Absence had made her heart grow fond and so she mentioned neither the shirts, nor the matted hair, nor the freckles which, in the absence of sunblock, had multiplied like the winter spots of bathroom mould. Instead, she handed them the gifts she had bought from the Malls of the Middle East.

She had bought them shoes with wheels and flashing lights, and the children oohed and aahed like she had known they would.  She helped them put them on and tie the laces up (confirming with them, that no, they did not have velcro shoes with wheels, and yes, of course, if she’d seen wheeled shoes with velcro she would have bought the velcro home and not the ones with lace) and then the children tried to walk which they could not, and as the children scratched their way along the passage, and scraped their way across the kitchen’s floating floor, and as the night wore on and they stamped their feet at her, and as their voices rang inside her head, she looked outside the window and teased herself about learning how to make a pelican call.

If you need me, I’m on the couch recovering from jet lag and massaging my lower back

Apparently not all of you recognised the photo below as one from Abu Dhabi. More specifically it is taken in Kalifha City (A or B, I’m not sure) a satellite or suburb of Abu Dhabi which is growing out of the sand.

I love to travel. The mister and I used to live and earn money purely to travel. Twice, we’ve sold everything we own and ridden off into the sunset. Okay, we didn’t sell our stuff, mostly we gave it away because it wasn’t the kind of stuff you could sell. Okay, lots of it we neither sold nor gave away, because mostly our stuff was rusty and broken because we never bought anything new. Except the Trinitron which, I think I mentioned, died the other week. But twice we’ve disposed of our stuff in a variety of means (sold, chucked, stored in parents’ sheds) and ridden off into the sunset.

I have extensive travel lists. Lists of places I want to visit. Lists of places I want to live. Lists of places I want to catch the train through.

Abu Dhabi is on none of these lists.

I’ve been in Abu Dhabi for a week because we were going to move there, but now we might not, although we probably are. So we need to act both as if we are (in case we do) and as if we aren’t (in case we don’t). This is just a fantastic way to be living, because after a year in which I have moved my grandfather into a nursing home, sold his house, then watched my father die, I could really use a bit more uncertainty. Especially in December which is just the most best month to start out stressed.

All of this indecision is, obviously, because of reasons. I wrote all those reasons down (in a rather well-written paragraph if I do say so myself) then realised it was probably a little inappropriate given that this is the internet and all. So I can’t tell you. I also know the meaning of life and I can’t tell you that either.

I could tell you about Abu Dhabi, but I hardly know what to say. It is flat and dry and hot. But that’s how I’d describe Adelaide and most of South Australia.

I left the camera with the mister who is still there. He had a dragonboating appointment amongst other things. When he gets back I will show you some of the photos. Or I will get him to load them onto flickr – interestingly, between his last visit (August) and now, flickr has gone from being blocked due to inappropriate content, to being not blocked.

Abu Dhabi. The hommous is brilliant, the coffee is shit, the sound of construction is constant.

because whenever we travel we always like to spend a day or two going in circles

so see that building down the road a bit…

no, no, not that one, the one a bit further on…

yeah, that one, that’s it…

well, turns out that’s not actually where we wanted to go

which would be because the building where we wanted to go is in totally the opposite direction

(insert appropriate told you so music here, though I must say moral victories are inglorious things when celebrated in thirty five degree heat)

(captured on the mister’s blackberry – it all looks waaaay weirder in real life let me tell you)

Again, nothing of consequence

Who me? No, I haven’t gone anywhere, just madly writing an essay on the ethics of comedy. I know, take something that’s perfectly fun and theorise it to death, why don’t you. Funny thing is, I’ve also got a gig tonight, which is probably, for reasons I will explain when I’ve got more time, my last until Fringe next year. Don’t think I’ll worry about telling tonight’s punters (see how groovy I am, I call them punters) that I can, with reference to Kant, justify the use of my husband, my children and my dead parents to make said punters laugh.  And further, if said punters don’t laugh, maybe my use of family members it isn’t so justified.

Anyhooo, and still with the overthinking…

I am quite troubled by my chidren’s participation – via school – in the Premier’s Reading Challenge and the Healthy Lunchbox Challenge (can’t find any info about the South Australian one on the web, but google it and you’ll get the idea).

I totally get that schools need to encourage reading, healthy food and so on. I applaud creative efforts to encourage such activities and do not want to be pain in the arse PC parent who gets all uptight about everything. But you know what – reading and eating well should not be described as a challenge. Nor should they be turned into fucking competitions.

That is all.

I think I know what you’re going to say

The facts:

The mister and I might be taking a short trip (one week).

We probably won’t be taking our boys. Possibly. But probably not.

The plane trip will be about twelve hours long and involves flying over long stretches of water.

Plane incidents are on the increase (okay, I don’t have any studies or concrete evidence, but this is how it seems to me).

The question:

Is the mister wrong for looking at me with resignation in his eyes as he agrees to my demand request that he and I travel on seperate planes?

…>>>…

PS This might all be academic, because I have just watched the woman at the Post Office CUT MY PASSPORT UP, because – so she says – they can’t issue me a new one while I’ve still got the old one.

And up again

Buoyed by the joy of after-school baking,

and of the sight of youngest boy lifting his chin over the top of the bench so that he could better catch a view of the cooling cakes (rock),

I said,

as I watched them wolf down their third,

‘There’s nothing like rock cakes hot from the oven, is there’

to which eldest boy replied,

‘Well, yes, except you know when you’re really busting for a wee, and you finally get to the toilet…that feels great’.

Now it’s just me and the dog

When the rubbish truck goes past, its loud stop, start, stop, start, makes me think of the days – increasingly distant as they are – when youngest boy had not yet started school, and he ran to the door, or the window if the door was closed, and watched the rubbish truck moving down the road, and I wish I had more often stood in the hall and stared at the curls on the back of my growing boy’s head.